When I read that the theme of Advent this year was “Waiting”, I thought I would have a perfect opportunity to respond. After all, I am waiting for my leg to get better. On October 11th, I was playing basketball with my son Jesse and as I jumped to clumsily toss up a shot, I felt a hard kick in the back of my right leg. As I fell to the ground, asking Jesse if he had kicked me I was sure that I had ruptured my achilles tendon. And sure enough, I was launched on an ongoing months-long odyssey of surgery, my leg in a cast, my leg in another cast, my leg in a boot, and ultimately physical therapy, all to regain my mobility.
I figured that a few weeks into that process, I would have all sorts of insight into waiting to be able to share. The truth though, is that I’m not good at waiting; or at least not good at allowing myself space to reflect on the waiting. I may be waiting to get better, but my mind is full of the things that I can still do and the things I distract myself with to keep from thinking about the things that I can’t do.
So now that the deadline is upon me, I have no wise insight to share. I have moved through six plus weeks of convalescence barely pausing to reflect on what this means for me, and how it impacts me spiritually. Finally, the act of forcing myself to write this has made me stop and reflect some. The sermons and readings that have been a part of this time of Advent have echoed the same themes. I think that in spite of myself, I am being forced into realizing that there is value in waiting. That it is in the awareness that things are not yet what I want them to be (whether that is a physical thing like my leg, or my own ability to stop and reflect), that I most clearly see my need for God. I am in a permanent state of “Not Yet”. When I can acknowledge that, I can stop living as if I am fully capable under my own power.
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10